54 - video/backdated to the 9th;

[islandshore]

Nightmare;

[It happens late at night, while Riku's locked into deep slumber. Rather than peaceful dreams about exploring other worlds, he finds himself dropped in the middle of Route 29, knee-deep in tall grass. But something's off. Brow furrowing, he turns around, half expecting to spot blocks of distorted pixels.

Instead, he sees himself, three years younger with a Pidgey perched on his shoulder while a tiny Nidoran whimpers and cries. His past self points a finger at the tall grass and glares.]

Can it, Slacker! If you're gonna be my Pokémon, then fight. Otherwise, you're just a waste of space. Isn't that right, Highwind?

Screeeeeech!

[The Pidgey ruffles up his feather and dives at Slacker, scratching at his eyes. The Nidoran, too petrified to move, takes the hit and tumbles back into the grass. The past Riku merely rolls his eyes as he watches, while Riku cringes and dashes towards his dream self.]

Shut up!

[He passes straight through him, and his surroundings ripple, melting. Riku plummets into blackness. As soon as he hits the ground, a chill washes down him from head to toe. Low moans and growls echo before the ground rumbles. A Nidorino rushes at him, growing larger, swelling to a mountainous size. Riku's heart stops. He hears his own voice echo in the black space.]

Slacker, that's enough! STOP!

[The Nidorino persists, drawing closer and closer until his surroundings flash red. Once again Riku plummets, this time through further darkness.

No image accompanies him: only growls, whines, and voiceless whispers.]

You replaced me...

[There's a brief flash of his Charizard, Flare. Said image melts just like everything else.]

You abandoned me... You forget I exist!

No! It's not--

[His words are drowned out by one more growl. A giant Nidoking appears, giving a bellowing roar. Purple spikes shoot up at its feet. Rows upon rows of Toxic Spikes. Riku's falling accelerates. He draws closer, closer, and closer until--]

No!

[He wakes up on the floor, sweat racing down his skin. Heart pounding, threatening to burst from his chest. The sound of heavy footsteps draws his attention across the room. Flare, having seen the whole thing, plops down right next to him, giving a low grunt.

Riku can't meet his eyes.]

...Don't worry about it, Flare. I'll deal.

Video;

[It's late at night when Riku addresses the network. His hair's kind of a mess, and he looks like he hasn't slept at all. Still, he forces a faint smirk on his face and runs a hand over his head, trying to look a bit more presentable.]

So, about that fighting tournament... Anyone think we should have those more often? It's kind of a bummer I didn't get to fight most of you guys. Can't really get stronger unless I--

[He stops, sighing. His words came out halfhearted, anyway. Even a complete stranger could probably tell something's amiss. For the next few seconds, he stands there in silence, glancing off screen. A Charizard briefly passes by in the background, folding his arms and snorting. He gives a look that screams, "Stop being dumb". He and Riku exchange stares, complete with utterings of, "It's nothing". However, once Flare spreads out his wings and gives a low growl, Riku reluctantly turns back to the camera.]

...Never mind. That's not really what I wanted to talk about anyway.

[Granted, he didn't want to talk about this either, but with a persistent dragon peering over his shoulder, he's kind of been boxed into a corner. Sigh...]

I guess what I want to know is how you're supposed to deal with regret. I'm not good at talking about this sort of thing, but... let's say you get a reminder of some stupid mistake you made a while back. What are you supposed to do about that? Especially if it happened so long ago that it really shouldn't matter in the first place...

[It's dumb. He knows it's dumb and he shouldn't put so much stock into a nightmare, but given how little time he's spent with Slacker, who knows?

Either way, he'll just have to hang tight. Now that he's made his case, Riku clicks the video feed off.]

Comments

[Video]

[tearsofademon]

[Though his own sleep's been plagued by nightmares, at least judging from the fact that he's up and his glass of water, Ryner doesn't appear outwardly all that affected by it, save for maybe being a bit more outwardly somber than usual. He's used to nightmares, after all. This was just a worse one than usual.

...also he's idly picking spider webs out of his hair because a certain Joltik kind of tangled himself in there for reasons, but details.]

Depends how bad it was, and how much you regret it. Some things don't go away that easily.

[Video]

[islandshore]

[Hah. Riku only wishes he could hide it. Under normal circumstances, he might've been able to, but when you wake up with a scream next to a giant, flaming dragon, it ain't easy shoving those feelings aside.

Riku does eye Ryner curiously for a moment-- it's hard not to notice the webs, but he'll refrain from asking about them for now. Instead, he'll focus on the question at hand.]

Well, we're talking months of shoving someone around, telling them they're not good enough. I was awful back then, and the worst part is, I didn't even realize it.

[He brings a hand over his chest, brow furrowing.]

Maybe that regret never went away. Hard to say. I mean, I tried not to think too hard on it for a while, but now it's like those screw-ups have come back to haunt me. I know that sounds cheesy, but...

[He shakes his head. This is kind of embarrassing to talk about.]

You ever feel that way?

[Video]

[tearsofademon]

Ahh, can't say I really know that exactly, but...

[He sighs and closes his eyes.]

I've done a lot of stuff I regret, so I can kind of relate, I guess. But if you realize it now and've been working to change, that's something, right? You can't change the past, but you can make the future better. You can make things right.

[Unlike himself. "You can’t grasp anything with those blood-stained monster’s hands of yours. You can’t reach anywhere." Lucile's words have never really stopped haunting him, nearly three years in Johto or not.]

Anon text

[doubleornothing]

A deceptively easy inquiry.

The common counsel would be to move on, but it's easier said than done isn't it? And the answer varies with each individual. I would profess to having somewhat of a capricious outlook on life; it is not a challenge for me to discard melancholic memories. I merely fold my hand and reshuffle the deck.

regular text forever

[islandshore]

See, I actually tried doing just that, and for a while, it worked out all right. You'd think that after three years, those worries would fade away.

Guess I was wrong.

But you've probably got a better outlook. I figure it's good to at least acknowledge mistakes, but letting them rule you will only ever hold you back.

[Now if only he could follow his own advice...]

[doubleornothing]

Then you've partially answered your own question.

I suppose you would need to question why you are feeling such regret. If you cannot comprehend the cause of your complications, then you are in a poor position to choose your next move.

[video]

[soggypastry]

[Lightning looks about as rumpled as he does, a sleepy Buneary using her shoulder as a pillow and bed at the same time. Seems no one's getting much sleep tonight.]

You do what you can to make up for that mistake. You apologize. Maybe ask for forgiveness. [she pauses, then shakes her head faintly.] Then all you can do is try to move on, and try to make sure it never happens again. Until then, you just have to live with the regret. There's not much else you can do about it.

[Can't really forget things that tear you up like this, can you? She doesn't think so.]

[video]

[islandshore]

Kind of depressing when you put it that way, but I guess I shouldn't have expected anything less.

[He leans back against the wall, shoulders sagging.]

Honestly, I might just be putting too much stock into a dream. That's what started this.

[video]

[soggypastry]

[A dream. She frowns, ignoring his first comment. She knows full well that sometimes dreams aren't just dreams. Remembers that first terrifying Focus-dream like it was yesterday. This wasn't the same, but...]

Maybe. Maybe not. Do you think there's anything you can do about it now? Anything at all?

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

That tournament was bullshit. What kind of moron doesn't make a separate league for under 18?

[Blake doesn't want to talk about that too much either. He's still sore. It's the other thing that caught his attention.]

As for regret, you deal with it. If you mope over everything that went wrong, you'll go nuts. That doesn't do anybody any good. So you just keep going and don't fuck up again.

[He puts a lot of effort into sounding sure.]

[video]

[islandshore]

Well, age doesn't always equal experience, and most people here are teens. Maybe he just didn't think things through.

[Riku shrugs. It's a welcome distraction, albeit short-lived, since Blake jumped right back to regret.]

And believe me, that's what I'd like to do. It's just one of those feelings I just can't shake. Feels like there's some unfinished business, if that makes any sense.

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

It's still not right to go asking somebody to punch a damn thirteen-year-old.

[Blake's eyes drift off to the side.]

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

Whatever you did, anybody else who was a part of it, are they still around?

[video]

[enjoymyatelier]

[...well, if everyone else also looks like shit today, he supposes there's not too much harm in starting up a conversation...]

Honestly, I've been wondering that myself. For the most part, that's simply been something that's just happened to other people.

[video]

[islandshore]

But now you can't shake that feeling either, I take it.

[Why else would he phrase it that way?]

[video]

[enjoymyatelier]

Not to the extent that I would like to, no. It's extremely bothersome.

[Text] Whoops should have had Sasuke replying to this sooner. Dated to Oct 9

[beforethedarkness]

[That hits way closer to home than he wants to admit. Regret and dealing with regret seem to be the only things Sasuke has on his mind lately. He can't help shaking his head, head bowed at the message before he sighs and tries to reply.

It's at least half an hour after the message goes up before Sasuke can hit the send button, with the following text appearing soon after on Riku's gear.]

You might not be able to find an answer for a long time. Or at all. Whatever it is, you might be stuck carrying it forever.

[Text]

[islandshore]

But what if I don't want to be stuck with it forever? Regret's one of those things that'll just chain you down. It sticks like a leech, and it's just as draining, too.

[The idea that there's no way out just doesn't fly with him. How can he accept that when he was doing fine before? Who wants to stay unhappy, anyway?]

[Text]

[beforethedarkness]

Having regret or not doesn't change what you have or haven't done, whatever it is. If it did, so many horrible things wouldn't happen.

You can't let it stop you, either. If you really regret it, you'll work to make sure it never happens again.

action;

[heartdive]

[ see... heavy Charizard footprints and all that noise is going to wake Sora up. and it should be obvious that he's heading STRAIGHT to where all the commotion is coming from. ]

Everything okay?

action;

[islandshore]

[...Well, great. His cover's blown, yet despite Sora's presence, Riku shakes his head and waves one of his hands.]

It's fine, Sora. Nothing to worry about.

[Except it's not fine, and Flare huggs at Riku before stomping over to Sora with a moan. He points at Riku and gestures with his hands as if to say "do something".]

action;

[heartdive]

[ Flare shouldn't worry. because Sora is concerned enough that he's not gonna let Riku just get away with that sort of answer. he pats Flare's snout and plants himself on Riku's bed. ]

You're my best friend. I'm kind of supposed to worry when the bravest guy I know starts screaming like a banshee.

video; wow apology for lateness

[usedacrobatics]

Sure you don't want to talk about the tournament?

[Wouldn't that be so much more fun? He thinks so.]

I mean, if whatever you regret was that long ago, the tournament can't be it.

Uh. As bad as it sounds, I guess you get over it.

video; naw, it's cool! Y version ate me this weekend, anyhow XD

[islandshore]

Well, I do, but this bozo's decided I shouldn't hide my feelings.

[He rolls his eyes and points to his Charizard, who snorts and folds his arms. Hey, somebody has to keep an eye on him, right?]

Still, that's probably the only thing I can do. Get over it and move forward.

[Seems to be the most common response. If he could just shake those feelings of wariness, he'd be happy to. Hearts can be frustrating, when logic and emotion clash.]

[Backdated to the 9th because laziness punched me in the schnoz/Video]

[the_tv_is_a_lie]

Tournament?

[...Forgive him, he's a little out of the loop.]

...As for your question, not thinking about it at all is the best I could think of.

[Video]

[islandshore]

Yeah, there was a fighting tournament a while back. Didn't even make it past the first round.

[And his loss was kinda embarrassing to top it all off. If AJ hadn't flung him out at the last second, he coulda moved forward.

But it could be worse.]

Anyway, you think I should hunt down some distractions? There's gotta be something I can do at this hour.